i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
