It's Friday. Sex?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
