Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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