Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
