wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
