My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Small penises have feelings too.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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