I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
