Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
