Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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