my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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