She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
