The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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