we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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