Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
In America we eat man semen.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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