Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize