doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
