he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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