just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize