Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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