Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize