Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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