Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
