My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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