hell yes lets make some ravioli
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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