I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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