If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
