I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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