its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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