Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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