This house was built for laser tag.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
