apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
