Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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