i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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