My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
