Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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