Someone shit on the floor
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize