When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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