I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
