I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
