As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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