yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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