You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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