as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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