I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
