My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
