What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
