pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
