god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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