if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize