At least make sure they are 18
Why
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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