went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I had to cum in my sink.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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