If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
