3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
