I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
