Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
