Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
