I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
