I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
