So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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