Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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