I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
