Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
