and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
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