I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
