Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
There's always time for handjobs
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
