the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
