i think my tv is drunk
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
