I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
